Trailing Geek

Sharing Food and Cooking Responsibilities

The Kitchn featured a post recently from a gal who did most of the cooking and cleaning in her relationship and wondered how other couples divvied up kitchen responsibilities.

Girlfriendy and I have tackled this same gnome (whenever there’s unspoken tension or things left unsaid between us we call it the Tension Gnome, i.e. elephant in the room. What can I say, it works for us!). It basically comes down to this: Girlfriendy loves to cook and bake and is quite talented at it. I love to eat, but suck at cooking. The only way I’ve survived on my own all these years is by learning how to microwave and add milk to things like cereal.

So when Girlfriendy and I moved in together, our two domestic worlds collided with a bang. Here’s what transpired, in stages as a tribute to the Le Tour de France, of course.

Stage #1: Girlfriendy Cooks, Cleans, Preps and Does Everything While I Watch TV
This stage obviously did not last, because Girlfriendy and I would have broken up in a hail of tupperware and dirty dishes long ago if it had. But when she first moved in, I have to admit she did do it all. I was a slothful slug bug on the sofa while she slaved in the kitchen. Bad Trailing Geek, bad! She made it very clear to me one day that she would appreciate some help in the kitchen. Which led to…

Stage #2: Girlfriendy Cooks, I Clean, We Both Prep
We then progressed to the common scenario where the person who cooks does not clean. Since the cook was always Girlfriendy, it meant that I cleaned. Not a bad deal. I also did things like set the table and helped with small prep duties here and there. This was okay, and an obvious improvement over Stage #1, but still, something was missing…

Stage #3: Girlfriendy Cooks 99% of the Meals, I Cook Once a Week, We Both Prep and Clean
Girlfriendy one day requested (quite reasonably I might add) that I make dinner once a week. It could be takeout once a month, but only once a month. Sounded fair enough. I started off making things like pizza. And some rice. Verrry simple. But it was super stressful and anxious for me. I just wasn’t comfortable cooking, especially for someone else. Girlfriendy says cooking for other people is a very intimate thing to do. But this blog is not about my lifelong issues with intimacy. Or is it? Anyway, having to cook freaked me out. I didn’t even know how to slice and dice vegetables and I’m deathly afraid of knives. My”turn to cook” became “opportunity to watch Trailing Geek implode with fear.” Which brings us to…

Stages 4-6: Girlfriendy Cooks All the Time Even Though I Am Supposed to Cook Once a Week
Somewhere along the way I fell off the cooking bandwagon. Girlfriendy resumed all the cooking duties. This continued even after our move to Smallville. Not too long ago she brought up, once again, that she would really, really enjoy it if I could cook dinner once a week…and stick to it this time. I agreed, and requested that I get the same night each week so I can plan what I’m going to make, since I am not comfortable enough to whip something up based on what’s in our pantry. So…

Stage 7: Girlfriendy Cooks Most of the Time, I Cook Tuesday Night Dinner, She Who Does Not Cook Cleans
This is our current stage. And I am proud to announce I have cooked 1x a week for four weeks straight! I actually kind of enjoy it now, though I would like to branch out into something other than pasta. But, I’m not complaining. I have not burned the kitchen down, burned myself, burned any animals, and most importantly, there have been no trips to the ER for botulism. Perhaps someday soon I can add another night to my repertoire and take further pressure off Girlfriendy. And we still have the rule about “she who does not cook cleans.” It works for us.

Who knows what Stage 8 holds? Our schedules, and life in general, will most likely look quite different once school starts for Girlfriendy. As for now, I’m making the most of my Tuesdays.