Trailing Geek

Cohorts, Co-workers and Community

It’s the calm before the storm that will be September and the start of school. We have been in Smallville for 3 months now and the last few weeks have worked on setting up a serious nest for ourselves in our new house, complete (finally!) with all of our belongings from Metropolis. We also have been working on “building our community” in Smallville, as one of our dear friends back home would say. We have met and gotten to know old friends, new co-workers, neighbors, cohort members and partners. Most of the credit in this department goes to Girlfriendy, who is the official Social Networker of the relationship. She makes friends so effortlessly. Thank goodness. If it was left to me, a bonafide Introvert with techie-ized social skills to boot, the only people who would know our names here would be the employees at the Dairy Queen drive-thru.

She recently met two members of her cohort who have arrived in town. I think I was almost as excited as she was. These are going to be people she will spend a lot of time with and I really hoped they would be awesome and nice. And they were! Girlfriendy felt a bit anxious and self-conscious because she is older than these gals, who are all in their early to mid-20′s (for the record, Girlfriendy clocks in at her early 30′s) but after meeting them, she was not so anxious about her age anymore.

We also had drinks with one of the gals and her husband. It was comforting to meet another trailing spouse and hear his experience and thoughts on the whole transition. They came from the opposite side of the country so it was a much bigger move for them, though he had always wanted to live in this region and was quite excited. The only bummer is that he has not yet found a job. It makes me once again, feel very lucky I found one so quickly.

Everyone says the most difficult thing for a trailing partner (or anyone who relocates for a relationship) is being dependent on their partner for their social support. Meaning, all of their friends in the new town are their partner’s friends. It would feel rather isolating. I suppose that is the case for me at the moment: Girlfriendy did her Master’s here at Pleasant U so she already has a set of friends in Smallville, who in turn I have gotten to know better and like very much. They are one of the highlights of our transition.

Do I feel isolated? Not really. Being shy and introverted and a bit of a loner makes my admittedly small social circle here not such a horrible thing. It’s all I can do just to try and fit in socially at work, much less outside of it. There are certainly some co-workers with true friend potential and I’ve done social things with them like happy hour and a baby shower, so I’m making progress. If I make 1 new friend in the next 5 years I’ll consider it a Trailing Geek Success!

I guess I approach making friends the way some people approach unpacking. Some people like to unpack all at once and get everything set up and settled and ready to go, and when they relocate somewhere they put the same energy into meeting people and setting up their social network. I unpack in spurts and trickles. It happens over a period of time. I pluck and unpack as I go along, as the need arises. I guess I don’t need a massive social network in place to feel comfortable somewhere new right off the bat. I’m okay with adding to it gradually and slowly.

In the meantime, I’ll get my social fix via Girlfriendy and her social grace.